Archive for unsimulated sex

Shock and Ew

Posted in French Film with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2009 by Louis Peitzman

anatomyofhell-posterFunny story: I couldn’t use the original French poster for Anatomie de l’enfer (2004), because it shows a topless Amira Casar, and I put all NSFW images below a cut. Less funny: I became physically ill while watching this film. But let me back up a bit. Ever since I read about Anatomie de l’enfer in The X List, I’ve been determined to watch it—despite the fact that I was sure I would absolutely hate it. And, of course, I did. It’s pretentious. It’s revolting. It succeeds in shocking the viewer, but to what end? If you read this blog, you know that I’m not exactly prude when it comes to my viewing tastes. I’m not made uncomfortable by explicit material, but I’m annoyed when it’s thoughtless—gross for the sake of being gross. Anyway, my point isn’t, shame on Catherine Breillat for making such a morally reprehensible film. It’s, shame on Catherine Breillat for making such a piece of shit.

Before I show you what I mean, allow me to explain the, uh, plot. Casar is the woman. Italian porn star Rocco Siffredi—who looks like the love child of Hugh Laurie and Jean-Claude Van Damme—plays the man. For vague reasons involving women being totally mysterious and men being total dicks, the woman pays the man to watch her for four nights. At first, he’s repulsed by her scary vagina, but then he grows to love it. There are endless voiceovers explaining the meaning behind this, except … there isn’t any. And so, we get a series of shocking events, culminating in the moment that actually made me gag. I’m not going to wax philosophical about Anatomie de l’enfer, because there’s really nothing there. Instead, I’ll give you a chance to suffer with me, as I present the ten most shocking scenes in chronological order. You’re in for a real treat.

Warnings: extremely NSFW (including images of self-mutilation), minor spoilers for Anatomie de l’enfer.

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Too Close for Comfort

Posted in British Film with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 26, 2009 by Louis Peitzman

intimacy_ver3To be honest, I was predisposed against Intimacy (2001). The film follows a man and a woman, strangers to one another, who meet for sex and nothing else. If the whole, “let’s exchange fluids but not first names” thing sounds familiar, that’s because it’s pretty much the same idea as Last Tango in Paris, a film I’ve already expressed my distaste for. So Intimacy lost points immediately—not only for being unoriginal, but for mimicking a movie I don’t even like. Imagine my surprise when I actually enjoyed this film. It’s good. In my quasi-humble opinion, it’s worlds better than its thematic predecessor. Intimacy retains the set-up of Last Tango, but it handles these characters in a more realistic way than, say, having one use butter as anal lube on the other. And, hey, it’s not pretentious! No epic, nonsensical Brando speeches here; this script shows surprising restraint. But let’s talk about sex (baby).

Warnings: NSFW, spoilers for Intimacy.

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Orgy of the Dead

Posted in Canadian Film, German Film with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2009 by Louis Peitzman

It’s hard to sum up the delightful absurdity of Bruce La Bruce‘s Otto; or Up With Dead People (2008). The trailer may not make things any clearer, but at least it gives a sense of what the audience is in for.

It took me a while to warm up this film, though I find the concept of gay zombies to be instantly appealing. It reminded me of something by Guy Maddin, a filmmaker I admire but don’t really enjoy. But then there were zombies fucking open wounds and I realized I was in for something completely different. If you squirmed at that last sentence, you’ll probably want to steer clear of Otto. Personally, I’m of the mindset that a little entrails never hurt anyone. Anyway, what I love about this movie is that it not only queers, but also eroticizes the zombie. Blood and sex—that’s nothing new. You can’t throw a stake without hitting a sexy vampire these days. But sex and rotting flesh is a fairly unique combination. And, well, it works.

Warning: minor spoilers for Otto; or Up With Dead People.

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It’s About the Journey

Posted in American Film with tags , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2008 by Louis Peitzman

shortbus-posterAh, Shortbus (2006). I love this movie. I will make multiple posts about this movie. Just thought it wise to give you fair warning. It’s not foreign, or a steamy romance for that matter. (In fact, that’s kind of the subject of this post, but more on that in a bit.) Regardless, it’s full of sex. Like, really, really a lot. John Cameron Mitchell set out to make a film with as much graphic sex as your average porn, while keeping said sex integrated into the plot. So, you know, no secretary or pizza boy suddenly deciding to get naked for the sake of it. This is a movie about relationships—and sex is a part of that. It’s essential, but it’s not masturbation fodder. What’s interesting about Shortbus is that it’s a sexy (and sex-filled) movie that’s not all that arousing. In rewatching the film (for the umpteenth time), I looked at the most explicit moments, in an attempt to determine whether they were, well, hot. “Hot” isn’t exactly a scientific term, so I was able to rely only on my own definition. I’d apologize, but this is my blog, so. Yes.

Warnings: NSFW, spoilers for Shortbus.

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Spanking Charlie Oakley or: What’s Foreign Steamy Romance, Anyway?

Posted in General with tags , , , , on December 8, 2008 by Louis Peitzman

My mom came up with the idea for this blog.

No, really. She’s a pretty hip lady and she also has a suspiciously good grasp on my interests. I scoffed when she first suggested I start a blog about movies and sex, mostly because I assumed she meant I discuss both separately. You know, a post about Shadow of a Doubt followed by a post about spanking. Stranger things have happened, especially on the Internet. (Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if spanking-centric Charlie Oakley/Jack Graham slash existed somewhere.) After mulling it over a bit, however, I realized my mom probably meant I should blog about sex and movies together. And even if she didn’t, it makes more sense that way.

So why “Foreign Steamy Romance”? After all, there’s more to sex and movies than love and subtitles. The name comes from Netflix AKA my deity of choice. See, Netflix likes to tell me what to watch based on the films I’ve rented and rated. It’s an imperfect system, but it often brings the unintentional LOLs. You liked Interview With the Vampire? That means you’re a fan of Pre-20th Century Period Pieces. Try renting The Duchess! My favorite category is Foreign Steamy Romance, because, well, it’s ridiculous. It’s basically a catch-all for any films featuring unsimulated sex and full-frontal male nudity. I guess they chose Foreign Steamy Romance because Hey, There’s Erect Penis in This! was too clunky.

I won’t only be blogging about Foreign Steamy Romance—neither Netflix’s definition, nor my own. Regardless, I figured it was as good a name as any. I’ll post reviews, screencaps, commentary, and anything else that’s even remotely related to the topic at hand. One day I might even sit through Last Tango in Paris again, but for the time being, I make no promises.

So, yeah. I hope this blog strikes your fancy. I hope my mom likes it, too. Well, if I ever let her read it.